Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
