If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
it's like iHOP with fire
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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