I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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