I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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