So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
