the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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