How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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