if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
