what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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