Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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