i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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