If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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