Just fell off a train. Bad.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
