i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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