sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
