Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
