Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
