Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
