I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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