youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
