I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
