I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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