we're chasing vodka with high fives
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
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thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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