If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
