just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
