im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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