you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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