So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
