What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
