Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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