I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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