So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
