accomplished twins. life is a go
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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