do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You left your phone here
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