dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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