I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
