The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have aggressive nipples.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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