i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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