your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
