Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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