You work out of a Hotel?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
