Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
