By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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