Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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