This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
