mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
