Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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