If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
