remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
