It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Randomize
