Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
