sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
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