i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
