like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
is it fun? or sober?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
