Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
