its not stalking. its research.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
