:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Randomize
