Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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