can u get pink eye on your cock?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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