So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
