I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
