so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
