A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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