I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
