and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
