you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
