my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
areolas are like halos for boobs.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
