he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
