Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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